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Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow... that's... awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go bankrupt... well, you're dead anyhow.
Guy: That's fantastic.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead, who cares! OD!!
Guy: WOW!! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: No....
Demon: Ooooh. Bummer. You're gonna hate Fridays