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Things to Do When Ordering a Pizza
- If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
- Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
- Use CB lingo where applicable.
- Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
- Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
- Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
- Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
- Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
- Change your accent every three seconds.
- Ask what the order taker is wearing.
- Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
- Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
- Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
- Imitate the order taker's voice.
- Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
- Order two toppings, but then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
- Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
- Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
- When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
- When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
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