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Note: I do not own the Turtles or any related characters. Someone else does. I wish I did though.
MIKE: You and ten million other people.
Oh, be quiet. I'd be really good at it.
MIKE: Yeah, right. We'd walk all over you, like we did in the last story you attempted to write.
Okay, let's forget that now. I'm trying to get over the experience.
MIKE: You know, maybe I should instruct all our readers to read "currently untitled" to refresh their memory.
No, that's okay. They don't need to-
MIKE: Why are you talking in itatlics?
...Never mind. The important thing is, you're ruining my introduction again.
MIKE: Your introduction doesn't need to be ruined. It's awful already.
Maybe you should shut up, because my story is a good one.
MIKE: Yeah, right.
Really! In this story, you and your brothers go on a vacation.
You bet. I remembered the big deal you made last time about not having any vacations, so I decided to be nice to you.
MIKE: Cool!...What's the catch?
MIKE: You're sure?
Absolutely positive. Now, stop interrupting so I can get the story started!
MIKE: Can we put my speech in there?
MIKE: Aw, man.
Now, if there will be no more interruptions (that means you, Mike), I can get this story started.
We find our heroes relaxing on a sunny beach on a tropical island.
DON: How'd we get here?
Hey, I don't need to go over every detail.
MIKE: But I like buying cheesy souvenirs at airports!
RAPH: Mike, you're officially crazy.
Ahem! I'm the one telling the story here.
RAPH: Maybe I should change that.
NO! Raph, don't come near me.
RAPH: Only if you promise not to use your "artistic license" again.
RAPH: You promise?
Moving on, we notice the perfect weather on this beautiful morning. The surf is just right, and we notice that Michaelangelo has already taken advantage of that.
MIKE: (surfing) YAAHHHOOOOO!
We also notice that Leo is doing absolutely nothing again.
LEO: (sitting and meditating)
Maybe we should spice things up a bit. I notice a crab walking towards him.
CRAB: (walks right next to Leo's foot) My name is Bill.
CRAB: If you're going to use my name, it's not "Crab," it's Bill.
BILL: (uses his claw to grab Leo's toe in an extremely painful grip-of-death)
LEO: (calmly plucks the crab off his toe and throws it in the author's face)
(the author screams as the crab latches onto his nose)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DON: Serves him right.
(the crab releases the author's poor little nose and crawls away) That's not funny! That hurt!!!!!!!!!!!
DON: (ignores the author and continues building a sand castle replica of some really complicated building)
DON: The Sistene Chapel.
(a big wave comes and completely demolishes Don's sand castle, tearing the structure apart and leaving no wall standing)
DON: You did that on purpose!
No, I didn't.
DON: Well, you didn't have to write about it in such detail.
I'm being descriptive.
DON: (starts to build another really complicated sand castle)
(an enormous wave comes and wipes out the castle, spreading sand everywhere, making a complete mockery of Don's futile attempts to construct any sort of building)
DON: That's it!
What? I didn't do anything!
DON: (walks up to the author and shakes his fist in his face) Don't do it again, or I'll be forced to stop it personally.
...We move on to notice Raph swimming peacefully in the ocean.
RAPH: Come on in! The water's great!
No thanks. I'm worried about sharks.
RAPH: About what? There are no sharks here.
(a shark fin swims in front of Raph's face)
(two sharks rear up in front of Raph)
RAPH: (pulls out his sais and tries to stab the sharks)
But this has no effect, because they are robot sharks!
RAPH: Robot sharks?!?!?!?!? Where'd they come from?
I don't know.
RAPH: This is your doing! You're trying to get me back for kicking you in the head last time.
So what if I am? You're helpless.
RAPH: Brothers, get him!
DON: (starts to help but a giant robot crab lifts out of the sand and grabs Don in its claws)
DON: Where'd that come from?
MIKE: (gets his surfing interrupted when a robot octopus reaches up with its tentacles and wraps up Mike)
LEO: (sits and meditates)
MIKE: Where'd these robots come from?
SHREDDER: From me!
TURTLES: (gasp) The Shredder!
DON: How'd you find us?
SHREDDER: It was easy. The author told me.
RAPH: You traitor!
I'm getting you back for what you did last time.
SHREDDER: And now, Turtles, gaze upon my Death Ray Blaster! With it, I will destroy all of you!
TURTLES: Oh, no!
SHREDDER: (turns to the author) So, how will you be paying me?
What? I'm not paying you!
SHREDDER: Then I'll destroy you, too!
I don't think so. I'm in control of this story!
RAPH: We're doomed.
Oh, shut up. I can make you disappear with just a few words!
SHREDDER: Not if my foot soldiers capture you first!
(foot soldiers grab the author's arms and take away his writing material)
Hey! I didn't write in foot soldiers!
SHREDDER: Of course not. They were my idea.
RAPH: Nice going.
Oh, shut up!
SHREDDER: Silence! Now, the moment is at hand. Farewell Turtles and stupid author.
Hey! I'm offended!
SHREDDER: That was the point.
SHREDDER: (laughs in a way that only really bad guys can)
SHREDDER: Who are you?
LAWYER: Can't you read? It says "Lawyer."
SHREDDER: Of course I can read!
MIKE: (in a singsong voice) Shredder can't read! Shredder can't read!
SHREDDER: Shut up! What I meant was, what are you doing here?
LAWYER: I'm the Turtles' lawyer, and I'm suing you for multiple counts of attempted harm to the Turtles.
SHREDDER: What? But it's my job! It's in the script!
LAWYER: That makes no difference. You're going to court.
SHREDDER: No! (the Shredder runs away and his robots and foot soldiers follow him)
MIKE: We're saved!
DON: (turns to lawyer) But how did you know to come help us?
LEO: I called him.
TURTLES: (gasp) You're not meditating!
MIKE: You're always meditating.
LEO: Look, aren't you glad I saved your lives?
RAPH: Won't Splinter be mad at you for not getting your manditory twenty-four hours of meditation a day?
LEO: There's no manditory minimum for meditation!
DON: This could be a sign of some major phsychological problems.
LEO: Oh, forget it! (sits and meditates)
Well, I'm glad everything's cleared up! I'll be leaving now.
LAWYER: Wait right there.
LAWYER: Yes, you. I'm suing you for conspiring with bad guys for the express purpose of causing the Turtles harm.
This is ridiculous. I'm leaving.
RAPH: No, you're not.
And how will you stop me?
RAPH: (kicks the author in the head and knocks him unconscious)
DON: You have a bad habit of doing that.
RAPH: Hey, it's lots of fun!
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters are the property of someone else. This is a work of fanfiction and no copyright infringement was intended.